the chair (friends of the dentist)

walking off the dock the next day
in short sleeves
& track mark in my arm
i felt clean, & my muscles felt strong
my veins were thick, swollen from labor

this new thing
was better than pot
so much cleaner in the head
pot can be a dirty drug
like tobacco, a nasty habit
hamper up the neural connections
slow down the thinker

i was on to something here
a new peak experience
here’s something to work
for
a week, two weeks, maybe
just a night, hard, strong,
indelible, like a new believer
that’s died for God

{{{{}}}}}}

there are directions to take in this life
& there are hours to waste
& there are thousands of ways
to avoid that ache.

& still, i cannot carry it
cannot name it, describe it
cannot share it. i know
how to dodge it
for a while.

i grieved
a full year
& longer.
she was there also
not wanting to live
but afraid to die